To become a better spouse.

After slogging feverishly to impress myself and my stakeholders at work amidst juggling with social commitments and personal interests, I used to reach home totally depleted. The rest of the hours would be spent as a shadow of my own good self as I would try to get away with the barest minimum of responses to the eager advances of my wife, my ten year old son and baby girl. I who normally take great pains to make official projects and gatherings fun and warm would transform into an apathetic passerby at home, the place that actually mattered the most. My loved ones had learnt to accept my behavior by soothing their pain by repeating unconvincing excuses- “He is really tired, He is very tense today, just another bad day at the office”.
Thankfully, affairs are much better now. I owe this change to a self help article that I came across during a flight. I don’t remember the name of the author. But let me share his wisdom with you all……..
Here is how it works….

I have downloaded a few of my favorite old songs, especially the soulful nostalgia evoking ones. Once I drive back home and reach the car park, I would ease myself of the seat belt, sit back and switch the CD player on. I would close my eyes and slowly let the haunting music and delicious lyrics take me over … till “that” feeling moves out from my chest to all parts of my body. While I am in the throes of this feeling, I would imagine the situation at home and what each of my loved ones would be doing. Then I would try to creatively come up with ways to make the evening uniquely special for them.
Play cricket with Amaan for a while or cook his favorite soup with him.
Conjure up a story and sing it along the lines of Jehan’s nursery rhymes.
Spend time with my wife, updating her with all the juicy things happening in the world, or spend some time with her on her face book page, enjoying its various hues.
I try my best to make the experiences different and special each time. Once I decide on what to do, I get out of the car and enter my home, to craft a mellifluous script for the rest of the evening along with the ones who matter the most.

Takes me just some old songs and a few minutes and of course the urge to make my relationships better and exceptional.
Please try it…. And enjoy the difference that it creates in your lives

Pebbles Of Providence

"Who do you love more? Your Ma or Pa?" Pat asked Josh.
Rosh and Isha turned to look at their son, suddenly interested in his response and reaction.
The family had come to dine with their friends, and Pat was a friend of the hosts.


Josh looked helplessly at his parents, not knowing what to say.
He did love Isha more, but he knew Rosh would be deeply hurt if he confessed that to him.
He also knew Rosh knew, but to say it out loud bluntly and publicly was another matter altogether. On the other hand, he did not want to lie either.
When Josh didn't answer and the pause became noticeable, Rosh tactfully intervened with a merry remark and the conversation drifted away from the awkward silence.
Driving back from their dinner evening, Rosh was furious.
"Damn!' he fumed. 'Damn her! Asking a child such a terrible question, especially with both parents in earshot to hear his answer."
"Stop being so protective of your children," Isha intervened before he could flare up even more.
"They have to learn to face difficult situations in life, and come up with acceptable solutions. It builds confidence and character. You want them to grow into strong and confident trees, not weak as vines and remain always dependent on you."
"I once read of a farmer in a small Indian village, who had borrowed a large amount from a moneylender. The old and ugly shylock fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter.”
“So when the farmer couldn't keep up his repayments, he proposed to forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both father and daughter were horrified at the proposal.”
“The cunning old fox felt their displeasure. Sensing their reluctance and antagonism, he decided not to give them any more time to contemplate and forced their hand right then and there.”
“The trio had been standing on a pebble strewn path as they talked. He bent down and picked up a few pebbles.”
“Let lady Luck decide the matter,” he began reasonably. “I’ll put one black and one white pebble into this empty bag and let the girl pick one out from the bag."
"If she picks the black pebble, she would marry me and your debt would be forgiven. If she picks the white one, she need not marry me but your debt would still be forgiven.”
“If she refuses to pick a pebble,” he continued, his tone now stern. “I would foreclose on your debt for an immediate repayment now. I have been too lenient on you in the past, but I can wait no longer."
"I do not wish to force a sale of everything you own, but no more dilly dallying and excuses. I’ll have her or I’ll have my money.”
“As he talked while sifting through the pebbles, the vigilant girl saw him drop two black pebbles in a money bag. Unaware that she had seen his sleight of hand, he looked up and asked her to pick a pebble without looking in the bag.”
"Imagine you were that girl?" Isha asked the family as Rosh drove them back home. "What would you have done?"
"I would expose the cheat," said Josh.
"Easier said than done," replied Isha. "He could say he made a genuine mistake as he was too busy talking. Anyway, it would only make the jackal madder. Then he'll cook up more elaborate schemes to get her."
"Like what?" asked Josh.
"Like what wolves and foxes cook up when they are determined to get you. Ask Pa about the little Red Riding Hood or The Wolf And The Lamb."
"Is there any way she could refuse to draw the pebble?" Hosh asked interestedly, before Josh could go chasing after more wolf and fox stories.
"Unlikely, as a condition of the bargain stipulates certain bankruptcy and loss of assets and honour for the farmer in that event. Even after all that, he'd still come after her," replied Isha.
"The girl has no choice but to pick up a pebble then," Rosh was resigned. "She's doomed, but at least it will save her father from his debt and disgrace."
"I'm not sure that would be a happy or graceful solution for anyone either," replied Isha. "Rosh, you can do better than that."
"What did she do Ma?" asked Josh earnestly. "You tell us."
"Oh not so fast!" said Isha. "Ponder awhile. We all end up in tricky situations like these in our lives sometimes. No matter how smart we are, life keeps testing us with its curlies."
"To solve big problems, we must first discipline ourselves, by keeping at solving the little ones we face. There are no shortcuts to glory, you know."

All three boys excitedly offered various possibilities, but soon grew despondent when Isha blew all their suggestions out of the water. Finally, Rosh surrendered. "We give up," he said for everyone.
"The solution lies in thinking outside the box," Isha relented, "or bag in this case. I give you one of the many possible solutions, though it is by no means the only one."
"The girl looked away and put her hand into the bag to draw out a pebble. As she drew her hand out of its tiny mouth, she fumbled and let the pebble fall onto the pebble-strewn path, where it was lost amongst all the other pebbles."
"Oh, clumsy me!" she gasped, then recovered quickly and said, "But never mind, let's look into the bag for the one that is left. That will tell us which pebble I had picked."
"Since the remaining pebble was black, it was clear that the one she had picked must have been the white one."
"Since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl crafted glorious victory out of certain doom."
"The moneylender couldn’t be certain he had been tricked, but he sensed that he had a tough adversary should he persist."

Mind Justifies Heart's Desires

When Josh came home from kindy one day, Isha discovered chocolate in his tiffin box.
She was a bit puzzled as she had neither bought it for him nor given him any money to buy it.
When she asked him about it, he was a coy at first but after some persistent questioning, he told her that he had taken them from another child's stuff as he really liked them.


Josh twisted and turned, trying to escape her grasp, but it made her angrier. His struggles earned him a few more slaps.
"You can't just take other people's things that you like," she fumed, "They belong to them. They are theirs, not yours. If they gave it to you themselves, fine."
"But if you take them without their knowledge or permission, it is stealing. People who steal are called thieves. And the world punishes theft severely. It puts thieves in jail."
“Do you understand?” she asked him sternly.
He nodded, crying loudly from pain.
When enough tears had been spilt, she left him sobbing with more food for thought, "There will be hell to pay when your father hears of this tonight."
She knew the matter wasn't finished. She would have to report it to Rosh and only God knew what he was going to do. He had been in high temper that morning.
When she told him about the incident with some trepidation that evening at the dinner table, he listened with uncharacteristic calm.
The family ate their dinner in complete silence as they waited patiently for whatever it was that was about to happen. Rosh was thinking as he ate and no one interrupted his train of thought.
"It is good that he did it now rather than later," he finally said to Isha across the table when dinner had finished, "And it is excellent that you were vigilant and caught him straightaway. Now it can be nipped in the bud."
The family waited for more. Rosh turned to Josh and asked him quietly if he understood that he had done wrong.
The little boy nodded.
"Why did you do it?" he asked.
"He didn't eat them at lunch, so he didn't want them. I wanted them, so I took them." Josh said reasonably.
"Beware son," said Rosh, "for the mind justifies what the heart desires."
"Will you do it again?" he asked.
The little boy shook his head.
"Okay, let's not hear ever again that you stole something," Rosh said placidly and asked, "And what will you do with these lollies?"
"I don't know," answered Josh, "Eat them?"
"No," said Rosh, "You can't eat them. And you can't keep them. You will return them tomorrow to their owner and apologize to them."
Josh stared back silently at his father.
"Are you prepared to do that?" Rosh's tone rose half a decibel.
Quickly the child agreed.
"Don't make him do that," Isha argued, "No point in declaring it from rooftops. It will only publicly assassinate his character."
It seemed the practical, reasonable thing to do. He yielded.
Temptation smiled unseen in the darkest corners of his mind. It had triumphed again.

The Parable of the Virgins 2

Matthew 25
1“Then the kingdom of heaven will be comparable to ten virgins, who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2“Five of them were foolish, and five were prudent. 3“For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them, 4but the prudent took oil in flasks along with their lamps.
 5“Now while the bridegroom was delaying, they all got drowsy and began to sleep. 6“But at midnight there was a shout, ‘Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’ 7“Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. 8“The foolish said to the prudent, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ 9“But the prudent answered, ‘No, there will not be enough for us and you too; go instead to the dealers and buy some for yourselves.’
 10“And while they were going away to make the purchase, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding feast; and the door was shut.
 11“Later the other virgins also came, saying, ‘Lord, lord, open up for us.’ 12“But he answered, ‘Truly I say to you, I do not know you.’ 13“Be on the alert then, for you do not know the day nor the hour.
 -------------------------------------
Revelation 3 describes the church of Philadelphia and the church of Laodicea: the last two of the seven churches. God promised the church of Philadelphia that because they had been faithful to God's Word, they would be spared the hour of Trial that was to come on the whole earth.
 But the final church, Laodicea, is a disappointment to the Lord Jesus. Apparently Laodicea will need to go through the Tribulation, because God says they are selfish, materialistic and indifferent to the needs of others. God tells Laodicea that they are spiritually blind. It is distressing to the Lord that nothing MOVES them.
 These two churches could represent the two groups of women in the parable, and might explain even further why God rejected the five foolish virgins. These stories are warnings that we need to nurture obedience and compassion, in order to keep ourselves spiritually alive and vital until the Lord returns.

Kingdom Of Heaven

The next morning had been very busy. Rosh’s CFD portfolios had been liquidated by his CFD provider. The phone never stopped ringing all morning. More margin calls on their Share Portfolios. The world markets had taken another steep dive last night.
The castle that had taken 15 years to build was falling down around them like a house of cards. Debt taken for these investments was turning into a Frankenstein monster.


She answered the emails as best she could, and phoned the banks. With his usual foresight, he had given her Enduring Power of Attorney over his accounts, so things went as smoothly as they could under the circumstances. Then she returned to the hospital with the kids to check up on Rosh again.
He was still sleeping. The doctor took Isha aside and discussed his case. “There will be trauma. And Depression. You will need to be patient with him. He will need all the love and care he can get. Try and keep him busy, anything to occupy his time, body and mind, but nothing too strenuous or exciting. The chances of a relapse or repeat incident are high. He lives, but barely,” the doctor advised before leaving.
She looked at Rosh as she sat beside him silently for a very long time.
“What will he do now Ma?” Josh asked.
“He’ll think of something,” she asserted, not feeling the same confidence that reflected in her reply to her son. She knew that further adverse financial developments of this morning will almost certainly rule out their return to a normal life. Hosh sensed it and she knew that he knew.
“Let him do his social project Ma. His focus will consume him and in so doing, he will be strong again.” Hosh suggested, answering the mental questions that tormented her.
Rosh had always yearned to do something meaningful in his life, even when he was extremely busy running their three businesses.
He had been prepared to walk away from his profession - to pursue spiritual fulfilment rather than just chase after endless acquisition of money. But money had been necessary. It always has been, it always will be.
‘Maybe it’s time,’ she thought, ‘maybe that’s the way. There will be no money, but he will be happier and have a sense of fulfilment. Isn’t that the goal of life anyway? He will achieve Jesus’ Kingdom of Heaven.’
Rosh had found it already but had walked away because he believed he could not serve the community till he was financially strong and had completed his commitments to his family. And now there was no money and the financial security of their family was hopelessly jeopardised.
He hadn’t been ready to pay the price then, but the price had been paid for him to begin his journey. He could have his field, if she allowed it. She noticed suddenly that he was awake and had been gazing at her silently.
“Come back to me quickly. You can have your Kingdom of Heaven,” she impulsively spoke her thoughts aloud to him. He winced and thought a little. Then answered with great sadness, “But I can’t go on that journey anymore. I have nothing left to pay the fare.”
Later that day, Josh asked his brother again what the brief conversation between their parents had meant. Thoughtfully, Hosh answered, “It is another parable told by Jesus, I think. That of the Hidden Treasure. It is in the New Testament, Matthew 13:44. Jesus is reported to have said that the Kingdom of Heaven was like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then he happily sold all that he had to buy that field."
When Josh stared back at him blankly, Hosh explained, “We can ask mother tonight what they meant. But I can try and guess. Pa has always had a kind of dream that he do something meaningful with his life to serve humanity. Ma has always felt that he serves the community and country through what he does already."
"But Pa wanted to do something bigger, something that had no profit motive. This is what Ma offered him today if he gets well soon. A goal for him, which he thinks would be worth fighting for.”
 “Doesn’t she think, we are worth fighting for?” interrupted Josh.
“We sure are. But who can say what they are going through or thinking in their current disturbed state of mind? They are fighting. For life. For things that are worth fighting for. Give them time. And love. And understanding.”
“But I already do.” Josh answered as he walked away angrily.