Measuring A Man’s Love

In the world of romance,” Rosh was telling his son, “one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.”

The trio sat in their garden, surrounded by food on their candlelit table. The bottle of whisky was almost empty, but the night was still young.
“Do something she likes,” Rosh continued, “and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and you lose points.”
“You get no points for doing something she expects though,” Isha added some timely motherly advice, “Sorry, that's how it works.”
“Yea,” Rosh muttered over his drink, “And there's even an exemplar to how the male points are calculated at laughoutloud.net:”

Simple Duties

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty (0)
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom (-2)
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
It's her father (-20)

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-4)
Tiffany is a dancer (-6)
Tiffany has implants (-8)

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A Night Out with The Boys

Go out with a pal (-5)
And the pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Lotus (-10)
With a personalized license plate "GR8 N BED" (-15)

A Night Out

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called Death Race 3 (-3)
Which features cyborgs having sex (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You can't get rid of it, so you resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too" (-800)

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?"
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen (0)
You listen, displaying a concerned expression (0)
You listen, with a concerned expression, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You do this without looking at the TV (+10)
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep (-20)

“You can’t win mate,” Rosh concluded happily, “In love, you are stuffed. Get stuffed happily! That’s what’s best for you.”
Finished discharging his fatherly duty, he eyed the stuffed chicken Isha had cooked for him contentedly. Hosh looked at his father’s potbelly, but said nothing.
‘Obviously,’ he thought, smiling to himself in the dark, ‘Pa knows what he was talking about. It must be a winning system.’
He had seen his mother look lovingly at his father. Picking up his own drink, he walked away to the Barbecue (BBQ), leaving the two love-birds together.

Dumbest Kid?

You can cook, Pa," said Hosh, "why don't you?"
"Because I don't want Ma to think I can," answered Rosh, "A woman wants to know that her man is dependent on her. Playing dumb and dependent suits us both."
 But a relationship needs integrity," objected Hosh, "for its survival and stability."
"Oh, there is enough honesty amongst us," Rosh waived him off, "but marriage needs more than just honesty. It needs interdependence."
"She doesn't do tax returns, I don't cook. It suits our temperaments too. She likes cooking, I like eating. She won't do accounting, I won't do dishes."
"Marriage needs give and take, and not just in the division of Labour. He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose."
"When people live as intimately together as couples do, there aren't many secrets left. Distance creates mystique, familiarity breeds contempt. Love loses its glamour when you are under the same sheets, smelling each other's farts."
"Over time, partners do complain. And fight. About something. It's inevitable. Better to give your partner something to moan about and change, that you don't really mind changing. Something that you can live with being criticized, rather than bursting over and trying to fix something that ain't really broken."
"The trick is to focus on complementing each other, loving each other inspite of all the faults. Relationships need the courage to change the things one can. But one also needs the serenity to accept the things one cannot change. And the wisdom to know the difference."
"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain. And most fools do. A tongue weighs so little, yet few can hold it. That is why marriages sour."
"Why would partners want to find fault if none exists," asked Hosh, "It makes no sense."
"It comes from boredom," answered Rosh, "There is an urge to change your partner, make them better. Women buy shoes, not because the old ones have worn out, but because they are bored with them."
"Couples tire from each other too. They want change. Managed change nurtures relationships, makes them stronger. Change keeps things fresh."
"No change would be needed, if things were perfect. But they are not. Perfection in a person is intolerable anyway, even if such a thing were possible. Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day. Wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit."
"No man is as clever as his mother thinks he is, or as dumb as his mother-in-law thinks he is. Even if you aren't a fool, there is profit in keeping up pretenses. And laughing with others at your foolishnesses. It makes your partner feel better. And the payback is great."
"You can fool all the people some of the time, Pa," objected Hosh, "some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time."
"Undoubtedly," Rosh agreed, "and your Ma is no fool. I am not fooling her. Just agreeing with her that I do have imperfections, like not being a good cook. And it is no lie. When she cooks, nothing is left of the meal. When I cook, I'm the only one laboring away at it. You know that."
"So it doesn't hurt to act dumb. Or concede that one is dumb. At least in matters where one doesn't mind being considered dumb. I don't mind if people think I'm a fool. As long as they don't ever talk to me as if they think I am one. But in matters of cooking, I don't even mind that, cos I don't care about it that much."
"But Pa, Ma is smarter than that," Hosh argued, "Smart people don't think others are stupid."
"There are no smart people or stupid people," said Rosh, "just people being smart or being stupid. Letting others have an upper hand is great for building up their confidence. Very gratifying for their ego."
"It is great flattery. Even if they see through it, they'll still love you for it. Letting others think they are smarter than you has distinct advantages."
"Like what?" asked Hosh.
"A young boy entered a barber shop," said Rosh, "Seeing him enter, the barber whispered to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. He has no concept of value, just of quantity. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber put a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other, then called the boy over and asked, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy took the quarters and left.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, as the customer was leaving the barber shop, he saw that boy coming out of the nearby ice cream store.
"Hey son!" he called out and walked over to him, "Why did you take the two quarters instead of a whole dollar?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

What Is Mine?

What is mine? What is yours? Is it borrowed wealth or real capital?

What is this world, this life? These possessions, these relationships?

 Insightful Sufi story

“I will not give my highlighters to Hosh," Josh cried with frustration. "They are mine!”
“And I don’t want to listen to you either, Pa, cos I know what you’ll say.”
Tears rolled down his cheeks.
Rosh looked at him and felt great sadness. He lifted him up in his lap. He hugged and kissed him, and when he had finally stopped sobbing, began to whisper in his son’s ear:
“You don’t have to give Hosh any of your things, if you don’t want to. I will not force you to do that."
"Your things are yours. They are not his. They are not mine either, even though I bought them for you."
"They became yours, once I gave them to you. You can do with them as you please. But, let me tell you a Sufi story.”
In the wilderness, in a small one-room hut, there once lived a Sufi Fakir with his wife.
One night, it rained heavily. As the couple were preparing to turn off their lamp and retire for the night, there was a knock on their door. The wife was afraid.
"Must be a thief," she opined fearfully, "who has come to rob us in the middle of this terrible night."
The Fakir smiled. "Only what belongs to us can be stolen," he said. "Nothing does. Open the door!"
The wife was puzzled, as everything they had in their hut belonged to them. But she obeyed anyway, and opened the door. It was a stranger, dripping with water.
"Will you shelter me for the night?" he asked her. "It is pouring outside."
The fakir beckoned him in.
"But there is hardly space," his wife objected. "We have barely room to sleep."
"Let him in," the fakir replied. "We will all sit."
So, the stranger was allowed in. Two more men arrived later, seeking refuge from the rain outside, which relentlessly battered the earth that night. They were let in too. The space inside the small hut became crowded.
Then, there was braying heard outside the door. The fakir asked his wife to open the door, and let the donkey in.
"But there is hardly space," the guests objected.
"Let him in," the fakir smiled. "We can all stand!"
So, the donkey was allowed in.
"If I were the fakir," Josh interjected, "I wouldn't have allowed the donkey in. People ok, but donkey no!"
“What's wrong with donkeys, son?" asked Rosh. "Aren’t they also a creation of God? Is being different, a disqualification? Would you deny refuge to a different looking human too, then? Discrimination, such as this, eventually leads humanity to the Holocaust, the Partitions, the Genocides."
"Did you know that the British Clubs in India had signboards at the door saying, ‘Dogs and Indians not allowed’? Did you know that the Whites created two roads in Africa – one for the Whites, and the other for the rest to travel on?"
"And they weren't the only ones in history, to divide and rule. Hindus abused the Varn (caste) system for centuries! Humankind ended up paying a big price, whenever our differences led us to mutual intolerance.”
“Who would you rather be? The fakir, who is inclusive and accommodating. Who creates a world in which all can co-exist. Or, the guest with the ‘Mine and Thine’ mentality? Who creates barriers, and is then afraid of the other."
"Don’t you see the irony? We are all guests here. And yet, we begin to regard our refuge as our fief. The fakir gave them shelter. It was a gift, a temporary thing until the night ended. But they came to regard it as their domain. And felt disturbed, when they had to share their gift with others."
“How quickly we come to regard our possessions as our right, and our privilege? How quickly we forget, that our role was to 'look after the whole Earth, that was given to us by the Lord,' and perceive ourselves to be master and conqueror of Nature, Earth and Elements."
"What is mine? What is yours? Is it borrowed wealth or real capital? How confidently we live Appearances as Reality! What is Reality? Who are we? What are this world, this life, these possessions, and these relationships? What is real, and what is mere appearance?”
“One of these days, I will tell you about the great Hindu scholar Shankar - who helped us understand the Vedic answers to these questions. One of these days, I will tell you about the great Indian scholar Nagarjun - who helped us understand the Buddhist answers to these questions."
"I will tell you about the answers in the sacred writings of Israel, Confucius and Lao-Tze, as also in the Quraan, the Bible and the Avesta; the teachings of the Greeks, Arabs and Africans... One day, when you want to know these answers, I will tell them to you ..."

Why Do We Seek?

“We go through life thinking we are the chariots," Rosh began speaking as father and son began this ritualistic daily walk.
"The composition of our limbs, and experiences and memories - that senses and acts and thinks and feels."

 But where is the me that I identify with in any of these?"
"Yesterday I told you the story of the Bhikshu who helped the King in his quest to understand who he really was."
"Did that help you discover who you really were? Where is the chariot? That is the question."
"Vedas, the oldest extant literature of humankind, have answered this question. That answer is 'That thou art'. Tatvam Asi."
Seeing Josh’s blank face, Rosh explained, "The key thoughts of Upanishads are:

• Aham Brahmasmi. Which means I am Brahm.
• Tad Ekam. Which means That is One.
• Aham Idam. Which means I am It.
• Tatvam asi. Which means That is You.
• So Aham. That is I.”

“We grow up believing in duality. I am me, and you are you. That makes two. When there are two, conflict arises. This is mine, this is thine. This line of thinking naturally extends to including God."
"I am me, God is God. I am me, Nature is Nature. So this way of thinking always makes two. Me and the rest. This line of thinking leads to war, to grief, to envy, to race.”
“The proliferation of these sayings in Upanishads shows Vedas believe in Monism, rather than dualism. This is why many scholars believe that Upanishads teach Advait - which means primal unity. Tat tvam Asi. That art thou."
"Chandogya (C., 6.3.2-) Upanishad says: ‘Atma is the only reality, everything else is just different forms and names’. Vedas also say that deep inside us, we already know who we are. Yet why do we forget it? Why do we seek it? Why is this question important anyway?”
Pope John Paul II once wrote in his Encyclical:
“… A cursory glance at ancient history shows clearly how in different parts of the world, with their different cultures, there arise at the same time the fundamental questions which pervade human life: Who am I? Where have I come from and where am I going? Why is there evil? What is there after this life?"
"These are the questions which we find in the sacred writings of Israel, as also in the Veda and the Avesta; we find them in the writings of Confucius and Lao-Tze, and in the preaching of Tirthankara and Buddha; they appear in the poetry of Homer and in the tragedies of Euripides and Sophocles, as they do in the philosophical writings of Plato and Aristotle."
"They are questions, which have their common source in the quest for meaning, which has always compelled the human heart. In fact, the answer given to these questions decides the direction which people seek to give to their lives…”.
“Do you begin to see now?” asked Rosh.
Josh walked quietly for a few moments, then replied, “I can see why it is important to know, Pa. What we do in life, what choices we make in life comes from our perception of who we are. So it is important to know who we are.”
"Aye," Rosh sighed, "You must know yourself. You are worth knowing. Perhaps, more than anything else."
'There is hope', he thought, as the duo walked into the bush discussing life and how one could live life.
But the crows perched atop the trees disagreed.
"Oye!" one said.
"Aow, Haw, How?" the others cawed.