The Woman, the Ape, and the Child Nigerian Folktale

Okun Archibong was one of King Archibong's slaves, and lived on a farm near Calabar. He was a hunter, and used to kill bush buck and other kinds of antelopes and many monkeys. The skins he used to dry in the sun, and when they were properly cured, he used to sell them in the market; the monkey skins were used for making drums, and the antelope skins were used for sitting mats. The flesh, after it had been well smoked over a wood fire, he also sold, but he did not make much money.
Okun Archibong married a slave woman of Duke's house named Nkoyo. He paid a small dowry to the Dukes, took his wife home to his farm, and in the dry season time she had a son. About four months after the birth of the child Nkoyo took him to the farm while her husband was absent hunting. She placed the little boy under a shady tree and went about her work, which was clearing the ground for the yams which would be planted about two months before the rains. Every day while the mother was working a big ape used to come from the forest and play with the little boy; he used to hold him in his arms and carry him up a tree, and when Nkoyo had finished her work, he used to bring the baby back to her. There was a hunter named Edem Effiong who had for a long time been in love with Nkoyo, and had made advances to her, but she would have nothing to do with him, as she was very fond of her husband. When she had her little child Effiong Edem was very jealous, and meeting her one day on the farm without her baby, he said: "Where is your baby?" And she replied that a big ape had taken it up a tree and was looking after it for her. When Effiong Edem saw that the ape was a big one, he made up his mind to tell Nkoyo's husband. The very next day he told Okun Archibong that he had seen his wife in the forest with a big ape. At first Okun would not believe this, but the hunter told him to come with him and he could see it with his own eyes. Okun Archibong therefore made up his mind to kill the ape. The next day he went with the other hunter to the farm and saw the ape up a tree playing with his son, so he took very careful aim and shot the ape, but it was not quite killed. It was so angry, and its strength was so great, that it tore the child limb from limb and threw it to the ground. This so enraged Okun Archibong that seeing his wife standing near he shot her also. He then ran home and told King Archibong what had taken place. This king was very brave and fond of fighting, so as he knew that King Duke would be certain to make war upon him, he immediately called in all his fighting men. When he was quite prepared he sent a messenger to tell King Duke what had happened. Duke was very angry, and sent the messenger back to King Archibong to say that he must send the hunter to him, so that he could kill him in any way he pleased. This Archibong refused to do, and said he would rather fight. Duke then got his men together, and both sides met and fought in the market square. Thirty men were killed of Duke's men, and twenty were killed on Archibong's side; there were also many wounded. On the whole King Archibong had the best of the fighting, and drove King Duke back. When the fighting was at its hottest the other chiefs sent out all the Egbo men with drums and stopped the fight, and the next day the palaver was tried in Egbo house. King Archibong was found guilty, and was ordered to pay six thousand rods to King Duke. He refused to pay this amount to Duke, and said he would rather go on fighting, but he did not mind paying the six thousand rods to the town, as the Egbos had decided the case. They were about to commence fighting again when the whole country rose up and said they would not have any more fighting, as Archibong said to Duke that the woman's death was not really the fault of his slave Okun Archibong, but of Effiong Edem, who made the false report. When Duke heard this he agreed to leave the whole matter to the chiefs to decide, and Effiong Edem was called to take his place on the stone. He was tried and found guilty, and two Egbos came out armed with cutting whips and gave him two hundred lashes on his bare back, and then cut off his head and sent it to Duke, who placed it before his Ju Ju. From that time to the present all apes and monkeys have been frightened of human beings; and even of little children. The Egbos also passed a law that a chief should not allow one of his men slaves to marry a woman slave of another house, as it would probably lead to fighting.

The King's Magic Drum

Efriam Duke was an ancient king of Calabar. He was a peaceful man, and did not like war. He had a wonderful drum, the property of which, when it was beaten, was always to provide plenty of good food and drink. So whenever any country declared war against him, he used to call all his enemies together and beat his drum; then to the surprise of every one, instead of fighting the people found tables spread with all sorts of dishes, fish, foo-foo, palm-oil chop, soup, cooked yams and ocros, and plenty of palm wine for everybody. In this way he kept all the country quiet, and sent his enemies away with full stomachs, and in a happy and contented frame of mind. There was only one drawback to possessing the drum, and that was, if the owner of the drum walked over any stick on the road or stept over a fallen tree, all the food would immediately go bad, and three hundred Egbo men would appear with sticks and whips and beat the owner of the drum and all the invited guests very severely.
Efriam Duke was a rich man. He had many farms and hundreds of slaves, a large store of kernels on the beach, and many puncheons of palm-oil. He also had fifty wives and many children. The wives were all fine women and healthy; they were also good mothers, and all of them had plenty of children, which was good for the king's house.
Every few months the king used to issue invitations to all his subjects to come to a big feast, even the wild animals were invited; the elephants, hippopotami, leopards, bush cows, and antelopes used to come, for in those days there was no trouble, as they were friendly with man, and when they were at the feast they did not kill one another. All the people and the animals as well were envious of the king's drum and wanted to possess it, but the king would not part with it.
One morning Ikwor Edem, one of the king's wives, took her little daughter down to the spring to wash her, as she was covered with yaws, which are bad sores all over the body. The tortoise happened to be up a palm tree, just over the spring, cutting nuts for his midday meal; and while he was cutting, one of the nuts fell to the ground, just in front of the child. The little girl, seeing the good food, cried for it, and the mother, not knowing any better, picked up the palm nut and gave it to her daughter. Directly the tortoise saw this he climbed down the tree, and asked the woman where his palm nut was. She replied that she had given it to her child to eat. Then the tortoise, who very much wanted the king's drum, thought he would make plenty palaver over this and force the king to give him the drum, so he said to the mother of the child—
"I am a poor man, and I climbed the tree to get food for myself and my family. Then you took my palm nut and gave it to your child. I shall tell the whole matter to the king, and see what he has to say when he hears that one of his wives has stolen my food," for this, as every one knows, is a very serious crime according to native custom.
Ikwor Edem then said to the tortoise—
"I saw your palm nut lying on the ground, and thinking it had fallen from the tree, I gave it to my little girl to eat, but I did not steal it. My husband the king is a rich man, and if you have any complaint to make against me or my child, I will take you before him."
So when she had finished washing her daughter at the spring she took the tortoise to her husband, and told him what had taken place. The king then asked the tortoise what he would accept as compensation for the loss of his palm nut, and offered him money, cloth, kernels or palm-oil, all of which things the tortoise refused one after the other.
The king then said to the tortoise, "What will you take? You may have anything you like."
And the tortoise immediately pointed to the king's drum, and said that it was the only thing he wanted.
In order to get rid of the tortoise the king said, "Very well, take the drum," but he never told the tortoise about the bad things that would happen to him if he stept over a fallen tree, or walked over a stick on the road.
The tortoise was very glad at this, and carried the drum home in triumph to his wife, and said, "I am now a rich man, and shall do no more work. Whenever I want food, all I have to do is to beat this drum, and food will immediately be brought to me, and plenty to drink."
His wife and children were very pleased when they heard this, and asked the tortoise to get food at once, as they were all hungry. This the tortoise was only too pleased to do, as he wished to show off his newly acquired wealth, and was also rather hungry himself, so he beat the drum in the same way as he had seen the king do when he wanted something to eat, and immediately plenty of food appeared, so they all sat down and made a great feast. The tortoise did this for three days, and everything went well; all his children got fat, and had as much as they could possibly eat. He was therefore very proud of his drum, and in order to display his riches he sent invitations to the king and all the people and animals to come to a feast. When the people received their invitations they laughed, as they knew the tortoise was very poor, so very few attended the feast; but the king, knowing about the drum, came, and when the tortoise beat the drum, the food was brought as usual in great profusion, and all the people sat down and enjoyed their meal very much. They were much astonished that the poor tortoise should be able to entertain so many people, and told all their friends what fine dishes had been placed before them, and that they had never had a better dinner. The people who had not gone were very sorry when they heard this, as a good feast, at somebody else's expense, is not provided every day. After the feast all the people looked upon the tortoise as one of the richest men in the kingdom, and he was very much respected in consequence. No one, except the king, could understand how the poor tortoise could suddenly entertain so lavishly, but they all made up their minds that if the tortoise ever gave another feast, they would not refuse again.
When the tortoise had been in possession of the drum for a few weeks he became lazy and did no work, but went about the country boasting of his riches, and took to drinking too much. One day after he had been drinking a lot of palm wine at a distant farm, he started home carrying his drum; but having had too much to drink, he did not notice a stick in the path. He walked over the stick, and of course the Ju Ju was broken at once. But he did not know this, as nothing happened at the time, and eventually he arrived at his house very tired, and still not very well from having drunk too much. He threw the drum into a corner and went to sleep. When he woke up in the morning the tortoise began to feel hungry, and as his wife and children were calling out for food, he beat the drum; but instead of food being brought, the house was filled with Egbo men, who beat the tortoise, his wife and children, badly. At this the tortoise was very angry, and said to himself—
"I asked every one to a feast, but only a few came, and they had plenty to eat and drink. Now, when I want food for myself and my family, the Egbos come and beat me. Well, I will let the other people share the same fate, as I do not see why I and my family should be beaten when I have given a feast to all people."
He therefore at once sent out invitations to all the men and animals to come to a big dinner the next day at three o'clock in the afternoon.
When the time arrived many people came, as they did not wish to lose the chance of a free meal a second time. Even the sick men, the lame, and the blind got their friends to lead them to the feast. When they had all arrived, with the exception of the king and his wives, who sent excuses, the tortoise beat his drum as usual, and then quickly hid himself under a bench, where he could not be seen. His wife and children he had sent away before the feast, as he knew what would surely happen. Directly he had beaten the drum three hundred Egbo men appeared with whips, and started flogging all the guests, who could not escape, as the doors had been fastened. The beating went on for two hours, and the people were so badly punished, that many of them had to be carried home on the backs of their friends. The leopard was the only one who escaped, as directly he saw the Egbo men arrive he knew that things were likely to be unpleasant, so he gave a big spring and jumped right out of the compound.
When the tortoise was satisfied with the beating the people had received he crept to the door and opened it. The people then ran away, and when the tortoise gave a certain tap on the drum all the Egbo men vanished. The people who had been beaten were so angry, and made so much palaver with the tortoise, that he made up his mind to return the drum to the king the next day. So in the morning the tortoise went to the king and brought the drum with him. He told the king that he was not satisfied with the drum, and wished to exchange it for something else; he did not mind so much what the king gave him so long as he got full value for the drum, and he was quite willing to accept a certain number of slaves, or a few farms, or their equivalent in cloth or rods.
The king, however, refused to do this; but as he was rather sorry for the tortoise, he said he would present him with a magic foo-foo tree, which would provide the tortoise and his family with food, provided he kept a certain condition. This the tortoise gladly consented to do. Now this foo-foo tree only bore fruit once a year, but every day it dropped foo-foo and soup on the ground. And the condition was, that the owner should gather sufficient food for the day, once, and not return again for more. The tortoise, when he had thanked the king for his generosity, went home to his wife and told her to bring her calabashes to the tree. She did so, and they gathered plenty of foo-foo and soup quite sufficient for the whole family for that day, and went back to their house very happy.
That night they all feasted and enjoyed themselves. But one of the sons, who was very greedy, thought to himself—
"I wonder where my father gets all this good food from? I must ask him."
So in the morning he said to his father—
"Tell me where do you get all this foo-foo and soup from?"
But his father refused to tell him, as his wife, who was a cunning woman, said—
"If we let our children know the secret of the foo-foo tree, some day when they are hungry, after we have got our daily supply, one of them may go to the tree and gather more, which will break the Ju Ju."
But the envious son, being determined to get plenty of food for himself, decided to track his father to the place where he obtained the food. This was rather difficult to do, as the tortoise always went out alone, and took the greatest care to prevent any one following him. The boy, however, soon thought of a plan, and got a calabash with a long neck and a hole in the end. He filled the calabash with wood ashes, which he obtained from the fire, and then got a bag which his father always carried on his back when he went out to get food. In the bottom of the bag the boy then made a small hole, and inserted the calabash with the neck downwards, so that when his father walked to the foo-foo tree he would leave a small trail of wood ashes behind him. Then when his father, having slung his bag over his back as usual, set out to get the daily supply of food, his greedy son followed the trail of the wood ashes, taking great care to hide himself and not to let his father perceive that he was being followed. At last the tortoise arrived at the tree, and placed his calabashes on the ground and collected the food for the day, the boy watching him from a distance. When his father had finished and went home the boy also returned, and having had a good meal, said nothing to his parents, but went to bed. The next morning he got some of his brothers, and after his father had finished getting the daily supply, they went to the tree and collected much foo-foo and soup, and so broke the Ju Ju.
At daylight the tortoise went to the tree as usual, but he could not find it, as during the night the whole bush had grown up, and the foo-foo tree was hidden from sight. There was nothing to be seen but a dense mass of prickly tie-tie palm. Then the tortoise at once knew that some one had broken the Ju Ju, and had gathered foo-foo from the tree twice in the same day; so he returned very sadly to his house, and told his wife. He then called all his family together and told them what had happened, and asked them who had done this evil thing. They all denied having had anything to do with the tree, so the tortoise in despair brought all his family to the place where the foo-foo tree had been, but which was now all prickly tie-tie palm, and said—
"My dear wife and children, I have done all that I can for you, but you have broken my Ju Ju; you must therefore for the future live on the tie-tie palm."
So they made their home underneath the prickly tree, and from that day you will always find tortoises living under the prickly tie-tie palm, as they have nowhere else to go to for food.

Follow The Money

Dav tries to follow the money to gauge where growing worldwide debt & money printing might lead us.

Was the wealth effect in NZ just a game of musical chairs?

He had grown up learning that an asset’s value was a measure of its earning capability.
But the rule book had been thrown out in the 2008 Global Financial Crisis (GFC). Global economies sped on a money highway with no traffic rules.
Absolute worldwide debt was bound to exceed the $43 trillion that had been borrowed last year in 2016.
That was already $6,500 owed by every man, woman and child on the planet, a vast majority of whom earned nowhere near enough to repay a debt of any size.
Standard & Poor (S&P) were forecasting total global sovereign debt of around $7 trillion in 2017, with USA at $2.2 trillion and Japan at $1.8 trillion expected to borrow almost 60% of that, followed by China, Italy, and France.
S&P's chief sovereign analyst Moritz Kraemer’s calendar analogy provided an insightful perspective on the comparative scale of borrowing of nations.
If it were distributed evenly across the year, U.S. issuance “would have already covered Switzerland's 2017 borrowing needs at lunchtime on Jan. 1; Brazil's on Jan. 30, and Italy's on Feb. 17," Kraemer said. “It would then have passed China's and also the rest of the world's by Feb 28.”
What kind of a debt was this? Riskier than before, and getting riskier by the day. Only 7% of these borrowed 43 trillions now carried a AAA rating – an all-time low.
According to the Bank for International Settlements, which was the central bank of central banks, global debt-to-GDP (Gross Domestic Product) was now at a record high and debts of governments, households and corporations since 2000 had gone up... everywhere.
Despite wishful thinking that the world would deleverage post the GFC and mend its borrowing ways, debt was up 63% in the USA, and up an average of over 50% in the Eurozone, Japan, U.K., Canada and Australia. In emerging markets, led by China, leverage was up 85%.
Central Bankers of the world had pumped the world with liquidity, printing fiat money, ostensibly to avoid having another Great Depression, penalizing savers with negative interest rates in the process, in the name of the greater good.
Now, almost a decade later, no one seemed to be in a hurry to arrest this increased use of debt - anywhere. The next debt default was inevitable. The disciplined savers, who provided these loans, had another lesson coming.
Or did they? For any loan to exist, there must be a loan-maker, who traditionally had been the saver. But it was a print and lend world now. With ever increasing debt ceilings, as boundaries got pushed out every year.
In this brave new world, nobody needed to save. Almost everybody could borrow. And almost everybody could default. Without any real consequences.
In fact, it was even becoming fashionable to expect to be bailed out every so often, at everyone else’s expense. Today was all that mattered. Tomorrows had ceased to exist.
Bailouts were now legalized. Institutionalized. Internationally. As wealth creation had just got a whole lot easier. No sweat and blood needed now. Ink or keyboard strokes sufficed.
 What should he do in this game of musical chairs? The music will stop, he knew, but until then? He was still in the game. Not playing was not an option.
Should he have less fixed interest then, and more stocks and property, which were riskier but inflation protected? Should he stay local in New Zealand or continue to diversify internationally?
New Zealand had emerged relatively unscathed from the GFC. Yet, almost all of its finance company sector had perished in the GFC. Globally, there had been no place to hide, for any asset – anywhere. Cash had been king. Would Cash and Gold be still safe when the next tsunami hit?
What had the rest of the Kiwis been doing? Borrowing, it seems, as well as salting away their cash. Kiwi Households were flush with NZD 162 billion in cash held in bank accounts, up almost 11 bln in a year (up 7.1%). Probably baby boomers cashing up, while the youngsters borrowed to buy houses.
Reserve bank of New Zealand (RBNZ) figures at the end of Dec 2016, showed Kiwi household financial liabilities (mostly mortgages) at NZD 263 billion, just a 100 billion more, net of our cash. Not bad, yet most commentaries implied that the country was going broke due to private borrowing.
RBNZ figures also revealed a Household disposable income of NZD 156 billion. Household debt as a percentage of household disposable income was now up to 168% - A new all-time high!
However, considering our cash holdings and total Household disposable income, the total net loan could be repaid within a year or two. Another thing was clear. Historically, Kiwis shied away from borrowing, and had lived within their means.
Our mortgage only borrowing of NZD 230 billion dwarfed our outstanding business credit of NZD 95 billion, as well as our agricultural lending of NZD 61 billion. But what to do? The Aussie Banks lent easier on housing.
Still, the RBNZ had been cornered into fast-forwarding the 60% LVR (Loan-to-Value Ratio) rule. Forcing investors to come up with 40% deposit on houses was having real impact, although owner-occupiers and first home buyers had picked up some slack.
Sure, in the past 12 months, NZ household debt had risen by 8.4% (NZD 20 billion - housing loans up 9.1%, or NZD 19.2 bln, and other household credit like credit cards was up 4.1%, or NZD 0.6 bln).
This was almost double the rate of increase of our disposable income (up 4.4%, by over NZD 6.5 billion). And almost double the rate of growth of our business and agricultural debts.
Yet, the household debt burden was now more affordable than it had ever been, due to interest rate reductions. Debt servicing cost only 8.6% of disposable income, down from 9.4% a year ago (13.9% in Dec 2008). It was expected to stay down for decades, despite the recent scaremongering.
In the previous 12 months, to Sep 2016 (collection of these figures lagged a bit), the value of NZ houses and land had also risen almost 16% (over NZD 750 billion), making our total household net wealth over NZD 1.2 trillion.
So, over the nine years from 2007, Kiwis had basked in this wealth effect, spending 57% more on eating out, 60% more in insurance, 67% more on rent and 50% more on transport, even though our income had only grown 32% over the same period.
We had spent record levels on credit cards. Because we had never been wealthier. Thank you, Quantitative Easing, Immigration, Globalization! But one can't drive a car by looking in rear view mirrors all the time.
Looking forward, wages weren’t expected to rise by more than CPI (Consumer Price index, or Inflation) in the next few years, putting limits on rent rises. But immigration was expected to remain high and new house builds low. Demand and supply situation remained favorable for the vendor, despite the rhetoric.
It was in no one’s interest to crash the property market, and Bill English had already declared that he had no intention of doing so. Should he buy more houses then? He looked blankly outside his window, staring into an invisible crystal ball.
Follow the money, he told himself. You will discover what to do…

Swimming With The Tide

Everybody had been present at the project meeting. It was a usual affair, except that the new contractor had shown a lot of initiative, made lots of suggestions, but they had all been vetoed down.
Personally, Daniel thought some of his suggestions were workable, but perhaps the management thought they rocked the boat too much.
The contractor caught up with him as he came out of the building to buy himself some lunch.
"So what did you think of what happened today?" asked the contractor.
"Some good suggestions," Daniel answered, "and good on you for making them. Keep up this initiative, this thinking outside the square and you will soon become an asset to the company."
"I'll never be an asset to this company," the contractor muttered.
"Why's that?"Daniel asked as they crossed the road.
"Because the shop-floor staff here play football. Mid-level managers are more interested in tennis. And the top management here has a distinct preference for golf."
Daniel looked at the contractor, completely baffled. He didn't know what he was talking about. What did sport preferences of staff and management have to do with their company or with anything else, he wondered.
The contractor noticed Daniel's puzzlement. He liked Daniel. This guy was a hard worker and a hard taskmaster, but he was also a straight shooter and played fair.
He was also quite smart, and the fact that he expected high standards from others that he worked with, actually inspired people like the contractor.
"As you go up the corporate ladder here," he explained, "the balls reduce in size."
Daniel laughed at his clever turn of the phrase. He had been given a lot of flak, and it was only natural that he gives some of it back. Daniel didn't mind because he didn't take it personally.
"Be patient," Daniel replied, as he paid for his takeaway, "Good things come to those who wait."
"Looks like I'll be retired," the contractor retorted, as he paid for his lunch, "before they listen to me here."
"Creativity and courage are great assets," said Daniel, as they started walking back towards their office, "but for success and longevity, you also need empathy and prudence."
"Change can be costly for an enterprise. The speed of change can also kill an organization. More important than Return on Money in Business and Investment is the Return of Money."
"Management has to be careful that they do not act or expand in a way that could adversely impact their own livelihood and the livelihood of their other employees. Profit is the reason a business exits, but cash bottlenecks have killed many a profitable business."
"You have thought as an entrepreneur. They were thinking as a manager. Perhaps, they will find your ideas and suggestions more useful if you heard what they want first and then channelized your creativity into suggesting solutions to the problems they already have."
"A manager and a couple of his staff were on their way to buy their lunch at the local takeaway. They saw an old lamp lying on the side of a road."
"One of the employees picked it up and rubbed it jokingly, as if it were Aladdin's Magic Lamp. But it was indeed a wonder lamp."
"Puff", and a genie emerged out of it. He said he was very grateful for his release from the lamp. An evil magician had imprisoned him there."
"I'll grant you guys a wish each now, before I go," he said to show them his gratitude, "So long as it is reasonable, you can have anything you want. So tell me, what would you like?"
"I've never heard a Jinn put a reason ability condition on wishes before granting them!" the contractor laughed.
"There's always a first time," Daniel jested, "Besides, the world is getting unreasonable. You've got to have checks and balances in place to manage your risk and exposure."
"Must have been a manager d jinn!" the contractor gagged, "Would wishing for three wishes be an unreasonable wish?"
"I guess," agreed Daniel, "Anyway, the first employee said he wanted to be cruising in Mauritius on his own speed boat and have no worries. There you go, that's a three-in-one wish."
"Puff", and he was gone, cruising in Mauritius on his own speedboat and without any worries."
The other employee said, "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of grub and booze."
"Puff", and he was gone too, into Florida to enjoy beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.
The manager thought for a minute, and said calmly, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch".
The contractor laughed boisterously.
"So," he asked, "always allow the boss to speak first?"
Daniel nodded and winked at the contractor, taking his first bite as he sat down on the grass to eat his lunch. The afternoon was sunny, his kebabs looked tempting, and his trainee's progress was promising. What more could a man ask for?
"You'll make swift progress," he offered, "if you can learn to swim with the tide. Don't worry, be happy."

The Air Up There

John was training a new casual contractor that his firm had employed.
He usually gave his subordinates and trainees independence and discretion to get the work done in a manner they decided was best, once the targets, budgets and timelines had been discussed and work delegated.
But sometimes, like with this new person, he had to intervene more than usual.
He had received complaints that the new person had been taking overly long lunch, tea and smoking breaks.
Even when he worked, he seemed more interested in social conversations with colleagues and passing time rather than in getting things done.
This was beginning to impact on the group dynamic, besides delay the project due to bottlenecks his habits were starting to create.
John discussed the issues with him and things improved for a while, but then he settled back into his old routines. "Get him to play fair," the director said to John, "or get rid of him."
"I work harder," the contractor retorted when confronted, "harder than some of these full-timers here. I deserve my longer breaks. They over load me, then try and lord me over. It's not my fault my tasks aren't finished in time?"
"An eagle was sitting on a tree resting," answered John, remembering an old online joke he'd read, "doing nothing. A little rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
"Sure, why not," shrugged the eagle.
"So the rabbit sat around too," John continued, "and rested. But all of a sudden, a fox appeared. He pounced on the rabbit and gobbled it up. Comprehend?"
"No comprehend," uttered the baffled contractor, "What's it got to do with me?"
"Even if you work as hard as everyone else buddy," said John, "being high up has its privileges."
"The air up there is different. To be sitting and doing nothing, you need to be sitting very, very high up."
"So let's get cracking before the foxes arrive, shall we?"

Exciting Period

Emmy talks about the run on Northern Bank and the period leading up to GFC. But Mary jokes about why Little Johnny thinks a period is so exciting.

Emmy sat reading the stock market analysis in his bed when Mary came in.
"Anything exciting?" she asked, as she got in bed.
"Yeah," said Emmy, "Northern Rock has had the first run on a British bank in more than a century. Its price has crashed."
"On 17 Sep 2007, Chancellor Alistair Darling dramatically intervened to try and end this crisis by agreeing to guarantee all deposits held by Northern Rock."
"He said savers will not lose a penny and that his action was motivated by the "importance I place on maintaining a stable banking system".
"Should be an exciting period ahead if one were to buy its shares now, as Prime Minister Gordon Brown has also just implied that he won't let it fail."
"European Central Bank and US Fed have already pumped in huge amounts of cash in the market to boost liquidity, and Mervin
King might just have to take a U-turn on his "No pumping" stance. What about your day?"
"Oh nothing as exciting as a run on a bank," she answered, "pumping central bankers or jumping share markets. All is quiet on the home front. But I did hear a joke about another kind of exciting period today."
Emmy put away his laptop and looked at her.
"Called Little Johnny's Assignment," she began, "it tells of a kindergarten teacher who had given a homework assignment to her kids."
They were to share with the class anything exciting they found the day before. Now little Johnny had been building up a reputation to be a little crude. So, when the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher called them one at a time."
"She had been reluctant to call upon Johnny, but eventually his turn came."
"He walked slowly up to the blackboard, picked up a piece of chalk, and made a small dot on the blackboard. Then he slowly walked back and sat back down."
"As nobody could fathom what he was on about and he hadn't uttered a word, a frustrated expectation built up in the class. When the teacher couldn't bear it any longer, she asked him to explain himself."
"It's a period," said Johnny, unusually restrained.
"Well I can see that!" she said, "But what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know," said Johnny, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

Taming The Mind

Mary was up late, waiting for Matt the next evening, despite his being late from work.
She served him dinner and as he settled down to eat, asked him, "Tell me more about Gabriel Ben's novel ways of taming the mind."
Matt understood. He smiled and spoke between mouthfuls of food, "One day Gabriel Ben was expecting a visit from a large number of his sponsors."
"Wanting to impress them, he fretted and fussed. He arranged and rearranged that day's offerings on his shrine in front of the image of Buddh."
"Examining his handiwork when he was finally satisfied, he suddenly realized that his intentions were not pure. He had done what he had done today merely to try and impress his patrons."
"Disgusted with himself, he picked up a handful of dirt and threw it over the offerings saying, "Monk, just stay where you are and don't put on airs!"
"It is said that when Stanly  or 'Father Smith' heard this story, he said, "That handful of dirt that Ben Mark
threw was the best offering in all Tibet!"
"Why?” asked Mary
“We have no control over what thoughts will arrive in our minds,” answered Matt, “But if we can remain constantly vigilant, recognize the wrong immediately, confess it and try not to do it again, we do less and less wrong. Which also simply means that we will begin to do more and more right."
"Have more food", Mary insisted when she saw that Matt was almost done, eating as well as speaking.
'One way to this man's heart', she thought lovingly, 'is through his tummy'. And, it was beginning to show.
"Tell me more", she asked once she had filled his plate with another generous helping of rice and curd.
Matt put his spoon aside, poured curd on his rice, and sprinkled some salt over it. He started eating again, creating little balls of curd-rice before popping them into his mouth with his fingers.
"One day Gabriel Ben was at a large gathering of geshes at Penyulgyal. Gabriel, as you probably already know, is a Tibetan Buddhist academic degree for monks and nuns. As part of the meal, some curd was offered to the guests."
"Gabriel Ben, it is said, was seated in one of the middle rows, and noticed that the monks in the first row were receiving large portions."
'The way they are lavishly serving that delicious yogurt...' he thought, 'they will run out of it before they reach me. I don't think I’ll get my fair share.'
"Suddenly realizing what he was thinking, he caught hold of himself: 'You curd-addict!' he thought, 'Here you go again'.
"He immediately turned his bowl upside down. As it turned out, there was enough curd for everyone. When the man serving the curd came and asked him if he would like some, Gabriel Ben refused."
“This evil mind has already taken its share,” he said.
"But there was nothing wrong in wanting to have a fair share?" Mary objected.
"Indeed", Matt agreed as he got up from the dining table, "but it was the realization of the self-contentedness of his expectations, that made him refuse it in the end.”
“If the mind can always be examined like this and taught, adopting what is wholesome and rejecting what is harmful, it can become malleable and there can be hope that it can be tamed."
"And have you tamed your mind yet, my husband?" Mary teased, clearing the dinner table.
He smiled and replied, "No my dear, not yet. I try often, but I always fail."
"Then make sure you do not fail me tonight!", she commanded, a twinkle in her eye.
His smile deepened as he responded, "I have never said, Do as I do. But do as I say, and there is hope - for you."
She laughed throatily at his rejoinder, then retorted, "There is always hope, so long as there is love."
'He knows so much', she thought, 'yet he knows so little.'
"Come here", she flashed a mischievous grin, "Let me fill you with both."
She touched him ever so lightly. Sensually. Music began in his mind.
“Go Kamli”, he said, as he waited. Waited and watched.
She moved slowly. Then her tempo accelerated, accelerating the beats in his temple.
Taming of the beast had begun.

The Rich Uncle