Holding God For Ransom

"If the stock market rights itself," Isha said, "I'll bathe Shivling with a couple of bottles of milk."
"Bribing God?" Rosh had overheard her, "He laughs at prayers like that!"
"What's wrong with me showing some gratitude if He hears and answers my prayers?" Isha flared.
"Doesn't sound like showing gratitude," he responded, "That's striking a bargain. It's no use bargaining with God. Even little Johnny knew that."


"Little Johnny?" Isha was stumped.
"Yeah," Rosh answered, "Little Johnny had been naughty all year, and it was almost Christmas time."
"His mum had been telling him that God rewarded good boys, not bad ones, but obviously he wanted his Christmas presents."
"God, I've been good this year," he presented his case in his prayer, "I think better than last year, anyway. So I should get lots of presents."
'No, that won't work,' he shook his head after a moment's reflection, knowing that wasn't true. God knows the truth, he'd been told.
He got on his knees.
"God, I haven't been the best child this year," he tried honesty, "But I still deserve lots of presents for trying to be good."
'No, that won't work either,' he shook his head again after some thought. If God knows everything, then He probably knows I didn't even try.
He laid face flat on the floor.
"God, I have been a complete devil this year," he argued, "But I can change, I promise! Just send me the gifts, will you?"
'No, there's no way He'll believe that!' he knew with certainty as soon as he had said it. He hated know alls.
He got up off the ground and walked over to the model of the stable that Jesus was born in, desperately searching for levers to plead his case. Looking at Virgin Mary with Joseph, he had a flash of inspiration.
He pulled the little statue of Madonna out of the stable, went into his room, wrapped her in a sock, and placed her in his drawer.
"Ok God, if you ever want to see your mother again...!"

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